Conversations that Connect by Colette Carlson

Conversing naturally is key to your success in the business world. Knowing when to initiate a conversation, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending a conversation with kindness is an art.  Create connections by following these seven steps:

Step 1:  Exude confidence. When you're comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable.  If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others.  Remember:  Enthusiasm is infectious.

Step 2:  Show up with something to say.  Always be on the lookout for material.  Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together:  a party, association meeting or business affair.  Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.

Step 3:  Begin with a question.  Besides showing interest in someone, one simple question can start an entire conversation.  Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd.  Rather than, "What do you do?" ask, "How do you enjoy spending your weekends?"


Step 4:  Find common ground.  The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest.  Don't shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business.  They often create the perfect connection.

Step 5:  Focus on others.  Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist.  Englishman Raymond Mortimer once described the art of conversation in the United States as "not tennis, in which you return the other fellow's serve, but gold, in which you go on hitting your own ball."  Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.

Step 6:  Be inclusive.  Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer.  Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.

Step 7:  Close a conversation with class.  When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, "It's been my pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon."  Before leaving, be certain to thank the hosts.

More on Colette Carlson at http://www.speakyourtruth.com/about-colette.php

Fear The Status Quo

We are in the last month of the year and many people start reflecting on what they accomplished in the current year as well as looking towards the following year.  Some are happy with what they have accomplished, yet many are frustrated, especially with careers.

There are numerous opinions on why people are frustrated with their careers, yet remain on the same path.  I have found one key element that keeps people in this state:  FEAR.  

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of failure.

Fear of criticism.

Fear of commitment.

Fear of “letting go”.

Fear of success.

Fear of _______________. (fill in the blank with your own)

I have found the daddy of all fears is, Fear of Change!  When you want to change, it begins…

That voice in your head starts providing reasons that you need to stay in the same place. 

You really feel there is more.

The voice whispers softly in your ear to stay. 

You then talk yourself out of moving ahead with your long list of excuses.

You reconsider and move to change again.

The more you move towards change, the voice becomes louder.

You ignore the voice and continue to move forward.

The voice becomes deafening.

The voice now forms the shape of a strange being and you see it speaking. 

You name it “Stop”, “No”, “Quit”, “Shut-up”, “Not Now”.

This strange being stands on your shoulder and jumps up and down.

The weight is too much for you to handle.

You make more excuses to justify staying the same.

Sound familiar?  That voice is also called your Gremlin.  You can have more than one Gremlin (many of us do) and they gang up to prevent you from changing. They want to “protect” you and love the status quo.  These Gremlins help to justify that the status quo is where you need to remain.

Are you getting tired of the status quo?  Do you want more?

If so, I have 4 suggestions:

1.     Read the book “Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carson.  It is an inexpensive paperback book (about $15.00) and provides great ways of getting out of your own way.  I recommend or provide this book to most of my clients.  It can help you handle these Gremlins, so you can move forward.

2.     Hire a coach.  I really do believe in the power of coaching and there are numerous studies that have proven that coaching does maximize individual/team productivity as well as accelerate results.  There are inexpensive ways to receive some great coaching:  (a) People attending coach certification programs offer discounted rates and they post on several sites like CTI.  (b) Group coaching is usually a fraction of the cost of individual coaching, plus you get the support of others in the group.  I do offer group coaching and usually have active programs coming up, so feel free to inquire about these if interested. 

3.     Draw the Gremlin: This is an exercise that I give to many clients.  Draw the Gremlin in great detail on a sheet of paper and write down the things it says to you all around the drawing.  The way to move past something is to face it and this is a good exercise to put the Gremlin in front of you so you can move forward.  This exercise may seem easy up front, so be aware that this can require some effort.  If you have a fear of confronting your Gremlin, then I would recommend that you hire a coach if you want to move forward.

4.     Do all 3 above. You will actually accelerate your results and move towards your purpose that will lead to your perfect career path.  You must do the work to move forward, nobody can do the work for you.