Mixing Friendship and Business

I had two occasions where I accepted a leadership role within a company and one of my best friends was on the team that now reported to me.  I handled one very poorly and it resulted in temporarily damaged relationship.  The other was handled much better thanks to lessons learned with the relationship remaining strong.

The one I handled poorly, in theory (at the beginning), looked like it should have worked.  One of my best friends in this situation we will call Adam.  I began the new leadership position and treated Adam as equally as I treated all other team members.  I was determined the other team members would see there was no favoritism towards Adam just because we were great friends.

The problem was that my focus was so much on keeping my behavior towards all team members equal, that I actually changed my relationship with Adam without even realizing it.  I focused so much on the other team members, that I actually distanced myself from Adam.  Of course this resulted in more distance in our friendship.  Adam felt like he was not receiving the recognition he deserved and the result was that he eventually left the company. 

What did I do differently the second time with my other friend named Sam?  At the beginning of every new leadership role (or acquiring new team members), I actually meet with each team member to get to know them better, understand their hopes and dreams, and identify what they want to accomplish while employed at the company.  With Sam, I went thru the same routine.  Since we knew each other for years prior to me taking this leadership position, I added an additional conversation on setting boundaries within our work environment that I omitted with Adam.

Some of the things Sam I discussed and agreed upon:

- My personal relationship with Sam would never be used to make a business decision.

- Sam would never expect anything extra from me based upon our personal relationship.

- Whatever I would do for Sam is what I would do for any other team member.

- All conversations at the office or during “working hours” were business unless either
  one of us specifically said otherwise.

- Our personal outings together would not be discussed at the office or during “working
  hours”.

- If either one of us felt that the relationship was deteriorating in any way, then we
  immediately speak and sort it out.

Sam was on my team a few years until I accepted another opportunity.  The boundaries that we set and agreed upon were priceless and we remain great friends today.  As for Adam, we are now good friends again thanks to him reaching out to me to reconnect.  I am very happy he did!