Conversations that Connect by Colette Carlson

Conversing naturally is key to your success in the business world. Knowing when to initiate a conversation, keeping it interesting by asking effective questions, sharing your own stories and ending a conversation with kindness is an art.  Create connections by following these seven steps:

Step 1:  Exude confidence. When you're comfortable in your own skin, you make others comfortable.  If you take the attitude that you bring something to the table, you will see that attitude reflected in others.  Remember:  Enthusiasm is infectious.

Step 2:  Show up with something to say.  Always be on the lookout for material.  Although it may sound contrived, I read The Wall Street Journal looking for interesting, timely information that I can share at my next get-together:  a party, association meeting or business affair.  Think about keeping a file that you can review before your next event.

Step 3:  Begin with a question.  Besides showing interest in someone, one simple question can start an entire conversation.  Asking something a bit unusual sets you apart from the crowd.  Rather than, "What do you do?" ask, "How do you enjoy spending your weekends?"


Step 4:  Find common ground.  The surest way to build rapport is to find something you have in common and build on that interest.  Don't shy away from topics that have nothing to do with business.  They often create the perfect connection.

Step 5:  Focus on others.  Putting your energy and interest in another person marks you as a great conversationalist.  Englishman Raymond Mortimer once described the art of conversation in the United States as "not tennis, in which you return the other fellow's serve, but gold, in which you go on hitting your own ball."  Keep that back and forth volley going with conversation.

Step 6:  Be inclusive.  Excluding others in the group is a conversation killer.  Make eye contact with everyone in the group, not just the person who asked you a direct question.

Step 7:  Close a conversation with class.  When a conversation naturally lulls, take advantage and say, "It's been my pleasure talking with you. I hope our paths cross again soon."  Before leaving, be certain to thank the hosts.

More on Colette Carlson at http://www.speakyourtruth.com/about-colette.php

Fear The Status Quo

We are in the last month of the year and many people start reflecting on what they accomplished in the current year as well as looking towards the following year.  Some are happy with what they have accomplished, yet many are frustrated, especially with careers.

There are numerous opinions on why people are frustrated with their careers, yet remain on the same path.  I have found one key element that keeps people in this state:  FEAR.  

Fear of the unknown.

Fear of failure.

Fear of criticism.

Fear of commitment.

Fear of “letting go”.

Fear of success.

Fear of _______________. (fill in the blank with your own)

I have found the daddy of all fears is, Fear of Change!  When you want to change, it begins…

That voice in your head starts providing reasons that you need to stay in the same place. 

You really feel there is more.

The voice whispers softly in your ear to stay. 

You then talk yourself out of moving ahead with your long list of excuses.

You reconsider and move to change again.

The more you move towards change, the voice becomes louder.

You ignore the voice and continue to move forward.

The voice becomes deafening.

The voice now forms the shape of a strange being and you see it speaking. 

You name it “Stop”, “No”, “Quit”, “Shut-up”, “Not Now”.

This strange being stands on your shoulder and jumps up and down.

The weight is too much for you to handle.

You make more excuses to justify staying the same.

Sound familiar?  That voice is also called your Gremlin.  You can have more than one Gremlin (many of us do) and they gang up to prevent you from changing. They want to “protect” you and love the status quo.  These Gremlins help to justify that the status quo is where you need to remain.

Are you getting tired of the status quo?  Do you want more?

If so, I have 4 suggestions:

1.     Read the book “Taming Your Gremlin” by Rick Carson.  It is an inexpensive paperback book (about $15.00) and provides great ways of getting out of your own way.  I recommend or provide this book to most of my clients.  It can help you handle these Gremlins, so you can move forward.

2.     Hire a coach.  I really do believe in the power of coaching and there are numerous studies that have proven that coaching does maximize individual/team productivity as well as accelerate results.  There are inexpensive ways to receive some great coaching:  (a) People attending coach certification programs offer discounted rates and they post on several sites like CTI.  (b) Group coaching is usually a fraction of the cost of individual coaching, plus you get the support of others in the group.  I do offer group coaching and usually have active programs coming up, so feel free to inquire about these if interested. 

3.     Draw the Gremlin: This is an exercise that I give to many clients.  Draw the Gremlin in great detail on a sheet of paper and write down the things it says to you all around the drawing.  The way to move past something is to face it and this is a good exercise to put the Gremlin in front of you so you can move forward.  This exercise may seem easy up front, so be aware that this can require some effort.  If you have a fear of confronting your Gremlin, then I would recommend that you hire a coach if you want to move forward.

4.     Do all 3 above. You will actually accelerate your results and move towards your purpose that will lead to your perfect career path.  You must do the work to move forward, nobody can do the work for you.

The Key to Making Life Unique and Worthwhile by Jim Rohn

The key to making life really unique and worthwhile is to share. Sharing has a certain unique magic of its own.  Here’s what I learned in sharing ideas.

If you share an idea with ten different people, they get to hear it once, and you get to hear it ten times.  So here’s part of self-interest for yourself, getting you even better prepared for the future. Share ideas.  Share with your family, share with the people around you, share with other employees, share with your colleagues.

Because, by sharing, two things happen.  Here’s what we call it. I don’t know how to explain it, but I do know it happens.  And I don’t know all about how it happens or why it happens, it just happens.

When one person shares with another, two things happen.  The audience could be transformed, and so could the speaker.  If you share with someone else, they could be transformed.  You may have dropped in at the right time. This may be their moment.

They’ve got three numbers dialed into the lock already, and if you say it well and say it right you’ll be the fourth number that they can dial into the lock of their personal experience and the door will come open and there’s opportunity they never saw before.  The person who hears could be transformed.

But here’s what else is exciting.  The person who speaks could be transformed.  Guess what we’re all looking for… transformation for our new life.  The new life tomorrow, the new life this month, the new life next year, the new life this year.

The caterpillar one day says, “I think I was made for more than this crawling on the ground.”  So the caterpillar climbs the tree, attaches himself to a leaf and spins the cocoon.  Who knows what disciplined effort it takes to spin a cocoon.  But something inside the caterpillar says, “I was designed for something more than being just a caterpillar.”  And then when the cocoon is ready and it opens up, out comes a butterfly that flies away, maybe singing, “I believe I can fly! I believe I can touch the sky!  I used to be a caterpillar on the ground, now I fly.”

I’m asking you to go through such a metamorphosis.  I’m asking you often to go through a period where you say, “New skills, new things are waiting for me,” and part of this will come if you’ll translate for other people what you feel in your heart and in your soul.  As awkward as your language might be at first, don’t hesitate to do it.

Here’s what sharing does… makes room for more.  Key question: If the glass is full of water, can it hold any more?  And the answer is yes.  Yes, if you pour some out.  So jot that down.  If you want more, you’ve got to pour out what you’ve got, and then you have the opportunity to receive more.

Now, unlike the glass that remains the same size when you pour some out, it’s not so in the consciousness of human beings.  Your capacity will increase the more you share.  You’ll get bigger and bigger and bigger.

Now, why the self-interest wish to be bigger?  Here’s why: to hold more of the next experience.  Some people can’t hold much happiness because they’re too small, their thinking is too small, their activity is too small, they’re too small in their ability to share, they’re just too small.  Can’t hold much.  They’re too small.

But the bigger you get, the more you will receive.  When happiness is poured out, you’ll get more.  When joy is poured out on the nation, you’ll get more.  When bounty is poured out from the economy, you will get more, if you share what you’ve got and become bigger and bigger and bigger.

More about Jim Rohn at http://www.jimrohn.com/

6 Ways To Take The Lead and Give Thanks All Year

Towards the end of every calendar year many people will take a minute to be thankful for various things and people in their lives, especially in the workplace.  I have always wondered why so many people wait until the end of the year to show gratitude, reflect, and review targets.  If you do it all year long, you reap the rewards continuously. 

Here are 6 simple ways to take the lead and give thanks all year long:

Say “Thank You” to at least one person every day.

A simple genuine thank you goes a long way.  Think about how you feel when someone actually takes the time to walk up or call you to say “thank you”.  I know we live in a fast paced texting, tweeting world, but hearing someone’s voice just makes it more personal and genuine.  It also maximizes the appreciation someone feels when you actually make the effort to verbalize it.

Take a team member to lunch.

A simple gesture of treating someone or a team to lunch for working late a few nights last week or over the weekend to make a deadline shows that you have taken notice.  Plus, you get to know team members a little better.  I used to do this periodically with my team and they loved it.  You have a remote team?  Get creative.  I would agree for the team member to take their wife/husband/partner out for a very nice dinner and expense up to $75 off the meal.  If I were meeting with a client fairly close by the remote team member’s location, I would take the extra half-day or day to meet the team member to take them to lunch. 

Have team members choose a peer to recognize.

As a corporate leader, I initiated an employee of the quarter for my department.  The requirement was that only peers could vote.  Each team member would send an email with their top two team members and provide a detailed reason why they are nominating each person.  I would look at all the nominations and tally the votes.  The announcement would be made during the quarterly meeting and the reasons that were submitted would be read for all to hear.  This was very popular and a variety of people were recognized throughout the year for things the leadership team would probably miss.

Give a gift card to team members that do something special.

The leadership team has a stack of $20 Starbucks gift cards in their desk or near them at all times.  When you want to recognize someone for something, hand it or send it to him or her.  The key is to make this genuine and do it periodically.  It was a judgment call and it worked great.

Meet with your team members to define and monitor targets

Taking the time to meet with each person one-on-one to assist with establishing clear targets to monitor will separate you from the pack.  I scheduled a one hour meeting with my direct reports every month to understand career (and other if they wanted) ambitions, establish new targets, monitor progress on existing targets, and receive feedback.  If we needed more time, I would schedule another meeting.  The key is to understand what your team members want and how to assist them moving forward.  We would discuss how their targets align with the department and company targets, so adjustments could be made accordingly.  Sometimes the adjustments meant the team member moving to another team, department, or company.  I didn’t mind at all because I wanted what was best for each team member.

Educate Yourself.

Continuously learning benefits yourself and the team.  Team members will want to share ideas and be mentored if you are up to date on industry trends, social media, learning techniques, technology, etc.  The more you have to offer, the more valuable you are to others.  Share, share, and then share some more.