When you think of the word curious, what comes up for you?
If you come from a place of “me” (or what’s in it for me?), then being curious is probably snooping, prying or even nosey.
If you come from a place of “others” (or what’s in it for others?), then being curious is most likely discovering, understanding, or learning.
Great leaders always come from a place of “others”. Being genuinely curious about people for their own well being creates a great safe environment of trust, which can open up endless possibilities.
When speaking with someone, get curious. Ask open-ended questions, people will usually go deeper on items they reveal during a conversation. People will also open up when asked for input on an important topic, when we are genuinely interested in their response. The key is to focus on the person and really listen to what they are saying.
Max: Hi Jane, how are you doing this morning?
Jane: I am just OK.
Max: Hmmm, just OK. How can we turn OK into great?
With Max getting curious about Jane just being OK, she will more than likely open up. Talking about it opens up possibilities and helps the person move through the feelings that could have bogged her down all day. If Max just ignored this cue, then Jane may have held onto this “just OK” feeling the entire day and been less productive.
Also, when observing behavior, get curious and ask open-ended questions about the specific behavior. People will usually go deeper if they feel that you have their best interests in mind. Trust your instincts and just ask.
Carol: Hi Sam, I noticed that you have been smiling from ear-to-ear
today.
Sam: Yes, I helped a client resolve a major issue this morning.
Carol: Fantastic, what makes you really excited about this?
With Carol getting curious about Sam’s smiling, she is allowing him to express the excitement and Carol learns something valuable about Sam. Plus, Sam was able to experience his excitement that will probably carry him through the next day or so. If Carol just ignored his smiling, then Sam may have repressed this happy feeling and would have been robbed from totally experiencing the excitement.
Asking open-ended questions allows for more thought, feeling, and information to be communicated, eliminating assumptions.
Here are a few great open-ended questions to use:
What do you want?
What is possible?
What did you learn?
What are the options?
What are the obstacles?
What will that get you?
What is the opportunity here?
What is another point of view?
What else?
Who are you becoming?
How do you want it to be?
How do you feel about it?
How can you make it easier?
How can you make this more fun?
Take the lead and be more curious. The experience will be worth it. If the person wants to talk all day, get curious and ask……..what are you avoiding?
