Eliminate Worry by Bob Proctor

Everyone gets the same amount of time every day. We get all there is:  24 hours, 1,440 minutes.  So, with time being such a precious commodity, why is it that so many of us spend our days worrying?  Worry has almost become a national pastime for most.  I suppose that if we had a contract to live for a lifetime, it wouldn’t be such a big deal.  But we don’t.  We just have now.

Some of you may be reading this and thinking, “Yeah, he probably doesn’t have anything to worry about.”  But that’s not true.  I have plenty to worry about.  I just choose not to.  And I’d like to suggest that you follow suit and resolve right now, as you read this article, that you are not going to invest even one of those 1,440 minutes worrying—about anything.

Clearly understand, there isn’t any situation that isn’t made worse by worry.  Worry never solves anything.  Worry never prevents anything.  Worry never heals anything.  Worry serves only one purpose:  It makes matters worse.  How?  Well, quite simply, when you’re focused on worrying about something, you’ll never be able to focus on a solution.  Be aware that your mind cannot focus on two things at the same time; it can either focus on the current situation and worry, or it can find a solution.  The choice is always yours.

James Kurtz said, “If we worry, we don’t trust.  If we trust, we don’t worry.  Worry does not empty tomorrow of its grief, but it does empty today of its joy.”  If you have been worrying about something or someone, you can eliminate that worry through displacement.  Let its positive opposite crowd it out of your mind and then follow through with constructive action.  Everything in the universe has an opposite, even your worries.

You could be worried about not having sufficient time to do some of the important things you have to do today.  The truth is you do have enough time if you are willing to give up something else.  The busiest person you know, yourself included, would have time to go downtown and pick up a check if you won a lottery.  You might neglect doing something else to make the time, but trust me you would get the check.

When a worrisome thought occupies your attention, choose the positive opposite to the thought, and focus your attention on that.  No one is without problems; they are a part of living.  But let me show you how much time we waste in worrying about the wrong problems.  Here are some figures I picked up years ago, and I think they’re just as valid today as they were when I came upon them. Here is a reliable estimate of the things people worry about.

Things that never happen—40%;

Things over and in the past that can’t be changed by all the worry in the world—30%;

Needless worries about our health—12%;

Petty, miscellaneous worries—10%; and

Real, legitimate worries—8%.

In short, 92 percent of the average person’s worries take up valuable time, cause painful stress—even mental anguish—and, for the most part, are unnecessary.  Remember what Dr. Kurtz said, “Worry empties today of its joy.” Don’t worry, be happy!

More info on Bob Proctor at http://www.horncreek.com/bobproctor.html

Mixing Friendship and Business

I had two occasions where I accepted a leadership role within a company and one of my best friends was on the team that now reported to me.  I handled one very poorly and it resulted in temporarily damaged relationship.  The other was handled much better thanks to lessons learned with the relationship remaining strong.

The one I handled poorly, in theory (at the beginning), looked like it should have worked.  One of my best friends in this situation we will call Adam.  I began the new leadership position and treated Adam as equally as I treated all other team members.  I was determined the other team members would see there was no favoritism towards Adam just because we were great friends.

The problem was that my focus was so much on keeping my behavior towards all team members equal, that I actually changed my relationship with Adam without even realizing it.  I focused so much on the other team members, that I actually distanced myself from Adam.  Of course this resulted in more distance in our friendship.  Adam felt like he was not receiving the recognition he deserved and the result was that he eventually left the company. 

What did I do differently the second time with my other friend named Sam?  At the beginning of every new leadership role (or acquiring new team members), I actually meet with each team member to get to know them better, understand their hopes and dreams, and identify what they want to accomplish while employed at the company.  With Sam, I went thru the same routine.  Since we knew each other for years prior to me taking this leadership position, I added an additional conversation on setting boundaries within our work environment that I omitted with Adam.

Some of the things Sam I discussed and agreed upon:

- My personal relationship with Sam would never be used to make a business decision.

- Sam would never expect anything extra from me based upon our personal relationship.

- Whatever I would do for Sam is what I would do for any other team member.

- All conversations at the office or during “working hours” were business unless either
  one of us specifically said otherwise.

- Our personal outings together would not be discussed at the office or during “working
  hours”.

- If either one of us felt that the relationship was deteriorating in any way, then we
  immediately speak and sort it out.

Sam was on my team a few years until I accepted another opportunity.  The boundaries that we set and agreed upon were priceless and we remain great friends today.  As for Adam, we are now good friends again thanks to him reaching out to me to reconnect.  I am very happy he did!