Take Responsibility For Your Actions………SCAMMED!

Have you ever been scammed?  If so, how did you feel after you discovered it?  We think this happens to other people that are just plain stupid.  

It would never happen to me…….…right?

Well, it recently happened to me.  This is a first and you can guess the slew of emotions that went thru my body when I discovered it.  I felt like someone punched me in the gut, then I went to disbelief.  Sitting in silence, I suddenly went thru a very brief time period where I called myself stupid, naïve, dumb, and all those uplifting words we hit ourselves with in these moments. Of course then came a little anger.  This really happened to me.  ME!!!  Yes, me!

I have a tendency to be very hard on myself and must allow the slew of emotions to go thru my body.  In the early years, this went on for days.  The good news is that today, I go thru this over a much shorter period of time.  I will usually work my way to laughing at the situation and then get down to what I learned.  After all, we are all humans and things like this are not the end of the world.  Just frustrating. 

You are now probably wondering what happened, so here we go:

A woman (we will call her “Lois”) contacted me last week via email and listed some great opportunities for speakers.  I was skeptical since I receive these types of emails fairly often, but I was intrigued.

The email was written beautifully with Lois supplying her name, company name, company website link, and telephone number.  I checked out her website and even found her on Linkedin.  It all looked fine to me, so I emailed her to state that I was a good fit for the leadership opportunity with the media company.  She quickly emailed back and we set up a meeting to talk over the phone. 

We talked the following day and the conversation went great.  Lois thought I would be a great fit for the media company and she had a few other career coaching opportunities working with retired military personnel that would be perfect for me.  Lois also said she’d been doing this for many years, had a huge client database, would market my offerings, and I would have a plethora of clients to help fulfill my life’s mission. 

Since I needed some assistance with marketing my relatively new business, this was perfect.  All I had to do was pay a relatively small one-time fee and Lois would take a % of anything that she booked for me.  All I needed to do was pay and she would send me a questionnaire to complete.  Once the questionnaire was received, we would have an initial “discovery” meeting to discuss everything.  Afterward our initial meeting, Lois promised to submit me to all of these potential clients. 

The actual events that took place were that I paid, Lois sent the questionnaire, I completed the questionnaire, and then there was silence.  Nothing.  Nada.  After a few emails and a phone call, still nothing.  I became suspicious and did a Google search on Lois and the company.  The results were horrible.  Lois and her company appeared on various sites stating to stay away from her and the company.  Based upon these sites, Lois has a checkered past and other folks were also convinced to purchase seats on her “scam train”.

I started the process of requesting my money back from Lois since she had gone silent.  I also contacted my credit card company to put the charge in a dispute state with follow-up tasks of gathering all the correspondence to send to them. 

Each one of us has to take responsibility for our actions and learn from our mistakes.  Do I blame Lois for this?  Not at all.  I love great conversation and connection with people, so I fell for it.  I discovered that Lois has a great skill for both and it is a shame that she is unable to put these skills to better use. 

Will I fall for it again?  Yes, when it comes to great conversation and connection.  

When it comes to my money, I will be doing more research before I spend again.

I would love to know some of your recent learning.  Post or drop me an email.  You already know I am sucker for a great connection.

Walking a New Road by Jim Rohn

Here is a good question to ask yourself. Ten years from now you will surely arrive. The question is, where? We don't want to kid ourselves about where. We don't want to kid ourselves about the road we're walking.

At age 25, I had a day shortly after I met my mentor Mr. Shoaff called "do not kid myself anymore" day. I didn't want to be disillusioned anymore. Up until then, I had been using the crossed-finger theory. But after meeting Mr. Shoaff, I finally decided that the crossed-finger theory was not going to get me what I wanted. That it wasn't where the treasure lies. That I was going to have to make sure which way I was headed.

Then, with the help of Mr. Shoaff, I found with a few reading disciplines, and a few disciplines of mind, and a few disciplines of activity, that when exercised, can begin making all the difference in the world as to where you will arrive.

Just a few changes. Sometimes we get the idea that we're doing about 10% and there's about 90% more that we need in order to make the difference for our fortune, but probably the opposite is true. We're doing enough things to have bought and shared in the good life so far. And maybe all we need is that extra 5% or 10% of intellectual change. Activity change. A refinement of discipline. A refinement of thought. And all we need is the ideas to make those simple changes and the equity starts gathering in one year, three years, five years, 10 years.

I have a good comment for you: Now's the time to fix the next 10 years. Now, you may have to come to grips with reality and with truth; that's what was good for me when I met Mr. Shoaff. I was 25 years old, he was 44 years old. And he brought me a wealth of experience and he started asking me the tough questions. "Big question", he said, "Are you reading the books that are going to take you where you want to go in the next 5 years?"

Excellent question. See, you want to make sure. I would assume for all of you, to get to where you want to be in the next 5 years, you are either reading the right books or you're not. You're either engaged in the disciplines or you're not. But, here's what we don't want to engage in: disillusion. Hoping without acting. Wishing without doing.

The key is to take a look and say, "Where am I? What could I do to make the changes to make sure that I can take more certain daily steps toward the treasure I want, the mental treasure, the personal treasure, the spiritual treasure, the financial treasure? I don't want to make any more errors. Now's the time to adjust my daily program to take me where I want to go."

In lecturing for more than 40 years, I've gotten letters and personal testimonies of people that have done such remarkable things with just a few suggestions. And that is why seminars, tapes and books can be so valuable. Here's a key idea for us all to remember: We could all use a little coaching. When you're playing the game, it's sometimes hard to see it all.

But the key is to start right now making these changes to walk this new road. And here's what's exciting to me: just a few daily disciplines makes a great deal of difference in one year, three years, and five years. And before you know it, you will be walking a brand new road.

Back to Basics: Vision (1 of 4)

How many people do you know that are unhappy with their current employer?  How many people do you know that are looking for another job?  The numbers will astound you. 

According to Right Management, 84% of workers are dissatisfied and looking to leave their jobs in 2012.  Over the past few years, team members have experienced reduction of staff, budgets slashed, and seen their workload increase with very little or no recognition.  Numerous individuals have contacted me this year to ask questions about looking for a new job and/or to help them find a new job.  There is clearly an issue in the workplace. 

It is time for executives and management teams to get back to basics and become real leaders.  The first basic task is to create (or re-familiarize yourself with) the company…

VISION

Why does the company exist? 

What is the purpose of the company? 

What is the direction of the company?

All company team members must know the answer to these questions.  Team members want to be part of something big as well as work towards a great cause.  Team members really want to make a difference and be treated as if they matter, because they do!

The leadership team establishes the culture of the company.  They must live the vision, plus be able to discuss the vision with anyone at anytime from the cleaning staff to client executives.  All leadership team members must believe and be passionate about the company vision.  If the leadership team lacks belief and passion, it shows.

The vision is the best place to start to get back to basics.  Without the sun, there is no growth.

"Dissatisfaction and discouragement are not caused by the absence of things, but the absence of vision."  ~Anonymous

Intent vs. Impact

Last weekend during one of our softball games, the atmosphere was a little tense.  We were playing two of the top teams in our division.  We were pumped up and the coach had different position line-ups in place to maximize our talent on the field.  Game one started great and it was a close game.  We played hard, yet came up a few runs short.

Game two started immediately after game one, so we pumped ourselves up again and we were ready to play.  The coin toss was completed and our team was first to bat.  The game began and we were hot.  This was going to be another close game. You could feel the anxiety in the dugout and on the field.  The game was heading towards the last inning and we were only a few runs behind.  It was our turn to bat once again.  Our first few batters had good hits and we scored some key runs.  We were closing in on the opposing team.

During this time, I was coaching 3rd base and we had runners on 2nd and 3rd base.  I had just communicated to the 3rd base runner on what to do next.  One of the teammates behind me in the dugout (we will call him Fred) kept screaming various commands for me to communicate to the runners.  I ignored his commands to focus on the game and the commands continued.  I then asked Fred in a very stern voice to stop shouting these commands.  Knowing the game was close and that we needed these runs, Fred marched out of the dugout walking towards me to loudly state these commands again.  When he approached me, I told him that I had it under control.  

Ignoring my statement, Fred proceeded to jump in front of me and turn his back to take over the 3rd base coaching.  This action prompted me to immediately grab Fred’s shoulder, turn him around, and state in a very loud and demanding tone that I had this covered.  I then pushed him towards the dugout. A few of the other players guided him into the dugout, asked him to remain inside the dugout, and the incident was over as quick as it began.

I have to say that Fred is a great guy, a very good player, and his intentions were in the right place.  Fred wanted to ensure that the runners heard the commands because these runs were very important.  The impact of his actions was negative and this caught him off guard.  I really believe that if Fred thought about his impact on the team by yelling these commands and jumping out in front of me, he would not have done it.  

Very soon after the incident, I put my arm around Fred and apologized for pushing him towards the dugout.  I explained again that I had it covered and the coach asked me to coach 3rd base for a reason.  Fred explained that he just wanted to ensure that the runners were well informed since getting these few runs were crucial.

What was the result of the second game?  We tied the score and unfortunately, the other team was able to score one run to win when they went to bat.  This loss stung us like game one’s loss, because we really could have won both of these close games.  As we know, with every loss comes great learning and growth.

How many times have you done something with the best intentions and it comes back to bite you in the behind due to the negative impact?  I know I can remember a few  incidents when my intentions were good but the impact of these actions were negative and vice versa.

What would the world be like if all of us thought of others more often and the impact of our actions, rather than on ourselves and the intention of the actions?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this.

“Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions; it's walled and roofed with them. Yes, and furnished too.” ~Aldous Huxley

Leadership Tip: Get Curious

When you think of the word curious, what comes up for you?

If you come from a place of “me” (or what’s in it for me?), then being curious is probably snooping, prying or even nosey.

If you come from a place of “others” (or what’s in it for others?), then being curious is most likely discovering, understanding, or learning.

Great leaders always come from a place of “others”.  Being genuinely curious about people for their own well being creates a great safe environment of trust, which can open up endless possibilities. 

When speaking with someone, get curious.  Ask open-ended questions, people will usually go deeper on items they reveal during a conversation.  People will also open up when asked for input on an important topic, when we are genuinely interested in their response.  The key is to focus on the person and really listen to what they are saying. 

Max:  Hi Jane, how are you doing this morning?

Jane: I am just OK.

Max:  Hmmm, just OK.  How can we turn OK into great?

With Max getting curious about Jane just being OK, she will more than likely open up.  Talking about it opens up possibilities and helps the person move through the feelings that could have bogged her down all day.  If Max just ignored this cue, then Jane may have held onto this “just OK” feeling the entire day and been less productive.

Also, when observing behavior, get curious and ask open-ended questions about the specific behavior.  People will usually go deeper if they feel that you have their best interests in mind.  Trust your instincts and just ask. 

Carol:  Hi Sam, I noticed that you have been smiling from ear-to-ear

           today.

Sam:   Yes, I helped a client resolve a major issue this morning.

Carol: Fantastic, what makes you really excited about this?

With Carol getting curious about Sam’s smiling, she is allowing him to express the excitement and Carol learns something valuable about Sam.  Plus, Sam was able to experience his excitement that will probably carry him through the next day or so.  If Carol just ignored his smiling, then Sam may have repressed this happy feeling and would have been robbed from totally experiencing the excitement.

Asking open-ended questions allows for more thought, feeling, and information to be communicated, eliminating assumptions.  

Here are a few great open-ended questions to use:

What do you want?

What is possible?

What did you learn?

What are the options?

What are the obstacles?

What will that get you?

What is the opportunity here?

What is another point of view?

What else?

Who are you becoming?

How do you want it to be?

How do you feel about it?

How can you make it easier?

How can you make this more fun?

Take the lead and be more curious.  The experience will be worth it.  If the person wants to talk all day, get curious and ask……..what are you avoiding?